I have PPD (post partum depression). It's not something people talk about a lot, but I am not ashamed. It's legit. I had a very very difficult pregnancy with the twins, Salvation and Light. I was in and out of the hospital the entire time, had a PICC line for 2 1/2 months, on bedrest for several weeks, and was in labor in the hospital for a week and a half before I had them at 34 weeks and 5 days. I would like to point out I delivered them both naturally and completely medicine free- not because I think that makes me better than anyone else, but because that is the one thing I fought so hard for and actually accomplished during that pregnancy. Then we spent a month in the NICU. It was HARD.
Most of the time in the NICU was spent with the babies learning to breastfeed. Every 3 hours I would be wheeled or walk down to the NICU and try to feed them both, go back to my room and pump to try and get my milk in, and then try to rest, but by the time I got everything done it was almost time to start again. Then I got discharged and we had no where to stay because we lived 2 hours away so we opted to send one baby up to a different bay of the NICU where they had fold out couches and a bathroom and shower in the room and I stayed with them up there. My treck became a 1/4 mile walk with a set of stairs between floors. Any sleep was always interrupted with alarms going off and moitors beeping and my babies stirring. I thought I was going to die from exhaustion. Finally we got both babies up on the same floor and then we got a twin room and from there we began to make it work.
All the while my heart was so torn in two between my babies in the hospital and my 2-yr-old at home who went over a month without her mommy besides a few hospital visits and I came home for a couple days when I got sick. That was on top of me being so sick the entire pregnancy I was hardly ever able to take care of her. Thank God for my parents who live across from us and took care of her. Talk about guilt, helplessness...utter exhaustion...and not just me. My husband would travel from home to work to the hospital. He would take care of our daughter and then come and stay with me and the babies.
So believe me, I know it's legit because on top of all that is the crazy, insane hormone drop after delivering TWO babies. You know what, though? Even if a woman has a perfect pregnancy and all is going well- it's still legit. It happens...to a lot of women and you shouldn't be ashamed.
I did not realize I had PPD at first. I guess I just thought I was exhausted and going crazy. When the twins were about 2 months old I really started noticing symptoms (they are 4 months now). It was beyond the exhaustion of taking care of and breastfeeding newborn twins. I was feeling depressed, very irritable and cranky, snapping at my kids and husband. I wasn't me. When I got to the point where I had some self harm thoughts I realized the seriousness and sought help. I let my family know what was going on and they surrounded me with a great support system.
I am being treated homeopathically, which made me fall in love with the medical art that is rooted in compassion. One drop of a remedy fine tuned to me and my body, mind, and my emotional and makeup and after a few days I was a fully functioning person again, patient with my 2-yr-old and more loving to my family. I was able to cook and clean some again. Everyone around me seemed to breath a sigh of relief. : ) We are still working on exactly how much I need. I do fabulous until I get dehydrated and overly exhausted from a road trip or something and then we have to tweak things a little. Right now we are working on it again because of said road trip that wore me down too much.
I am thankful to God for being with us every step of the way and for givings us two more healthy and beautiful children- you would hardly know they were preemies. I am so thankful for my family, friends, and neighbors who all pitched in to help us. I am thankful for a very patient, hardworking husband who is a great provider and daddy and loves me and our children. He stands beside me through it all. I am thankful for my parents who are constantly helping me with the kids and have sacrificed so much for us. I am thankful for a precious doctor who really cares about me. I am thankful that I got help and I am not ashamed in that because I want to be a fully functioning person. I want to be the best wife and mom that I can be and right now this is what it takes and that is okay.
Most of the time in the NICU was spent with the babies learning to breastfeed. Every 3 hours I would be wheeled or walk down to the NICU and try to feed them both, go back to my room and pump to try and get my milk in, and then try to rest, but by the time I got everything done it was almost time to start again. Then I got discharged and we had no where to stay because we lived 2 hours away so we opted to send one baby up to a different bay of the NICU where they had fold out couches and a bathroom and shower in the room and I stayed with them up there. My treck became a 1/4 mile walk with a set of stairs between floors. Any sleep was always interrupted with alarms going off and moitors beeping and my babies stirring. I thought I was going to die from exhaustion. Finally we got both babies up on the same floor and then we got a twin room and from there we began to make it work.
All the while my heart was so torn in two between my babies in the hospital and my 2-yr-old at home who went over a month without her mommy besides a few hospital visits and I came home for a couple days when I got sick. That was on top of me being so sick the entire pregnancy I was hardly ever able to take care of her. Thank God for my parents who live across from us and took care of her. Talk about guilt, helplessness...utter exhaustion...and not just me. My husband would travel from home to work to the hospital. He would take care of our daughter and then come and stay with me and the babies.
So believe me, I know it's legit because on top of all that is the crazy, insane hormone drop after delivering TWO babies. You know what, though? Even if a woman has a perfect pregnancy and all is going well- it's still legit. It happens...to a lot of women and you shouldn't be ashamed.
I did not realize I had PPD at first. I guess I just thought I was exhausted and going crazy. When the twins were about 2 months old I really started noticing symptoms (they are 4 months now). It was beyond the exhaustion of taking care of and breastfeeding newborn twins. I was feeling depressed, very irritable and cranky, snapping at my kids and husband. I wasn't me. When I got to the point where I had some self harm thoughts I realized the seriousness and sought help. I let my family know what was going on and they surrounded me with a great support system.
I am being treated homeopathically, which made me fall in love with the medical art that is rooted in compassion. One drop of a remedy fine tuned to me and my body, mind, and my emotional and makeup and after a few days I was a fully functioning person again, patient with my 2-yr-old and more loving to my family. I was able to cook and clean some again. Everyone around me seemed to breath a sigh of relief. : ) We are still working on exactly how much I need. I do fabulous until I get dehydrated and overly exhausted from a road trip or something and then we have to tweak things a little. Right now we are working on it again because of said road trip that wore me down too much.
I am thankful to God for being with us every step of the way and for givings us two more healthy and beautiful children- you would hardly know they were preemies. I am so thankful for my family, friends, and neighbors who all pitched in to help us. I am thankful for a very patient, hardworking husband who is a great provider and daddy and loves me and our children. He stands beside me through it all. I am thankful for my parents who are constantly helping me with the kids and have sacrificed so much for us. I am thankful for a precious doctor who really cares about me. I am thankful that I got help and I am not ashamed in that because I want to be a fully functioning person. I want to be the best wife and mom that I can be and right now this is what it takes and that is okay.
You are a wonderful mother to your children. I think that you are a strong woman, you have gone through so much. Love you girl and I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteLindsey, I love the honesty in this post. Would you mind sharing what homeopathic remedy you used/are using? Being a mom is hard, one of the hardest things I've ever done. The thing I deal with every day is GUILT. I feel so guilty about everything...
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this. :)
Thanks for the comment, Erin! I would, but the beauty of homeopathy is it is tailored exactly to your makeup. You might need something entirely different (even with the same exact symptoms)so your best bed is to be seen by a practicing homeopath. Generically for stress, though, I always point to Rescue Remedy. Love the stuff.
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