Soul Mate

In 2 days my husband and I will be celebrating our 10-year anniversary, an entire decade we have spent as man and wife.  It has been 10 years of love, laughter, deep struggles, grace, forgiveness, and amazing blessings.  God knew exactly what He was doing when He paired us up in the Central American jungle.  I needed a man who would love, protect, fight for me and ground me, balance my passions with his stability.  He needed a woman who would help him soar, encourage him and stand beside him while he discovered and pursued his dreams.  We each needed someone to believe in us and be our quiet strengths during times we struggled to stand on our own.  We need someone to help us discover exactly who God created each of us to be.

Over the years I have seen my husband grow into a true man, a man of faith and strength.  He's become a warrior who's lived through combat....and a daddy who has held each of our tiny babies against his strong chest.  He's worked through blood, sweat, and tears, and company drama to provide for our family.  He's been a man of honor and integrity.  I am so proud of who he has become in the past 10 years.  I am so proud to be standing by his side.  

Don't get me wrong, we drive each other nuts at times.  We have had our share of struggles and sorrows.  We've seen each other at our very worst.  There have been times we didn't know if we would make it.  But God had a plan.  We both believe in something bigger and greater than ourselves.  If we did not I wouldn't be at peace with him out there in the night with a bullet-proof vest and a gun strapped to his side, and he wouldn't be loving it so much.  : )

I love that man still.  Not the puppy love feelings that you can't live without them (though I still have those) and have to spend every waking moment with them.  I love that man as in I waited 5 months for him while he went through basic training.  I waited a year for him to come home from war, praying every day he comes home alive.  I will wait 3 more months while he goes to law enforcement academy while taking care of our 3 kids.  I love that man as in I have resigned myself to just follow him around the house turning off all the lights he leaves on when he leaves the room instead of nagging at him anymore to turn them off.  I love him as in when he comes home with that look I do not ask questions, but hand him the plate of food I saved back for him from dinner and say a silent prayer.  I love him by trying to dress modestly and teaching our children to be respectful to him (ok I need to work on that more and not fuss at him in front of the 2-yr-old).  I love him, maybe imperfectly at times, but I love him.  He makes me a better person and the safest place in the world to me is in his arms.  I love him.      

Honey Vanilla Chamomille Tea

I'm sitting in the kitchen by myself at almost 11pm.  I just got everyone to bed and should be there myself, but I am enjoying a moment to breathe....I would say think, but I am almost too tired to think. I am drinking my honey vanilla chamomille tea with extra honey from the Amish neighbors and organic french vanilla half and half paired with my Ezekiel bread toast with raw butter and organic blueberry jelly. 

 Yea, I get particular about those little things.  This little routine of mine lets me feel like I have a tiny bit of control in my life and is a comforting oasis in the midst of the chaos that resides in a house with 3 small children.  It reminds me why it is important to Warrior to have a bedtime routine and why she sometimes has to do things a certain way in a certain order.  We just need one thing that is familiar and constant that helps soothe our raging hearts and roaring minds. 

Really this is just a poor earthly substitute for what we really need to fill the void and still our souls and give our bones the strength to bear us up every day because my bones, my soul, my entire being can get weary and overwhelmed from not only bearing myself, but those 3 small children who I have been charged with nurturing and molding into healthy adults who can thrive in this world while being in it, but not being of it.  At the end of the day my muscles ache from bearing my children in my arms- for safety, for sustenance, for soothing tradgedies and tantrums.  My heart aches from bearing the hopes and dreams and fears and the mocking limitations of my abilities that never seem to come close to my desperate desires.  Then, what I really need is not just my perfect cup of tea, but my perfect Savior to just wrap me up in His arms and be my all.  I just need His love, to acknowledge it and drink it in while savoring the sweet aroma of knowing that to Him I am ENOUGH and for me He is.......ENOUGH.